Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Enjoy the penises
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