i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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