how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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