after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come on in and take your pants off
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