In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
