The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
