You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
