So drunk its hurt
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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