I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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