yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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