ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
