I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
