Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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