You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
