Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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