our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
