the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
