Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How's work?
Spinning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
