He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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