i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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