I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
