To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
