is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
