the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your cock deserves a montage
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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