he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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