I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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