My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
