Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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