i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bring me that man meat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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