fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.