He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.