i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.