I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.