Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize