I think I won the penis lottery.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I love having hate sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
