he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
