i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
