You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
