I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize