also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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