so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic