i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.