Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son