FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
