How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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