i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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