your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
