Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize