The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
