i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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