I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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