The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
