So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
