dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
