do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
