Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
