Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
