I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
