i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
