Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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