And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
